17 habits of the self-destructive person (+ how to stop)
Self-destructive behaviour is, at first glance, amongst the most enigmatic and counterintuitive emotional disorders. How is it possible that someone would wish to harm themselves?
People who discover this trait in themselves are often deeply troubled by it. And yet, if we take a step back for a minute, sooner or later we will observe that self-destructive behaviour is far from being unusual.
However, these manifestations, so blatantly recognisable, are not by any means the most common forms of self-destructive behaviour. Far more common are all the subtle and cityvibe la escorts forms of self-sabotage, of which the individual has no awareness whatsoeverand that effectively attack her or his wellbeing.
To be continually self-derogatory, seeking humiliation without realising it, approaching everything from a negative standpoint, going through greek escort and repetitive failures, insidiously and firmly hanging onto pernicious situations, or constantly finding oneself in the position of a victim are among the many ways that can be used to harm oneself.
We should also note that, from a larger point of view, some ideologies be they religious, political, or other derive a feeling of validation ——often of moral superiority—— on the experience of suffering.
They thus attract individual who seek intellectual justification for their unconscious self-destructive needs. If we investigate these situations in depth, we will first better adult dating brule wi personals the relatively transparent incapability of allowing oneself to be simply happy. But we will also find, and much less obviously so, the secret pleasure that is obtained from suffering —— secret because it is unacceptable to our consciousness.
How does this come to be? According to the research of psychologists and psychoanalysts, one of its facets could be that it is what allows us to bear a certain degree of displeasure that is unavoidable in human existence.
Indeed, in order to grow in life, to become more educated, more competent, healthier, we have to be able to tolerate the suffering that comes with trying to achieve that, and be able to enjoy making an effort. This could be seen as a kind of self-protective masochism, a capacity to positively invest a certain degree of displeasure adult personals online martinique women seeking be able to bear frustration.
This facet will help us to delay satisfaction, grow, and obtain more complex and susbstantial achievments. How does it operate, then? In most cases, we can observe two vectors that combine asheville escorts order escort la ca produce these situations. The first vector is an unconscious feeling of guilt that demands punishment as much as it forbids feeling fulfilled or accomplished.
This concealed guilt, that often comes more from unconscious wishes than from actual wrongdoings though not alwayscondemns the individual to unhappiness to atone for her or his unconscious transgressions. However, since these transgressions are unconsciousfemale escort georgia hence experienced as constant and unchangeable, the atonement is never permanent and must be continuously renewed.
The second vector is a defence mechanism that consists in transforming what hurts into pleasure —— to enjoy pain in such a way that that which was supposed to be a disagreeable warning becomes a source of pleasure. This twist of the way the ordinary psyche works is a very effective way to protect oneself from certain kinds of emotional suffering, but it distorts mental functioning, it hijacks it in order to make it into a system that produces suffering, which is dominican escort resort opposite of its original function.
These two vectors sometimes come together in a powerful alliance that is felt to be more pleasurable, more controllable, than the pleasures and disappointments that ordinary life subjects us to. The treatment of self-destructive behaviour involves becoming aware of the unconscious feeling of guilt, understanding the wishes, and asian nyc escort the actual facts, that created it, and working through that complex constellation of feelings.
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Parallel to this, suffering will have to be disassociated from pleasure —— this means giving up a solution that aspires to beat life at escorts dutchess county own game.
That said, it is far from impossible to help people who suffer from these difficulties. Pure genius I am astonished at what i just read and the more i read it over and over the more i uncover about the problems i have.
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